Ohh, those winter... niiii-iii-iii-i-i-i-i-iiii-ights....

I'm pretty sure, that somewhere up high, there is a god that created three specific flavors of jelly belly ambrosia JUST to F&$# with infidels like me that are supposed to be on serious nutrition plans. All three of those flavors are in my possession right now, while I glare at a massive pile of laundry like it is going to fold itself out of sheer terror at the thought of spontaneous combustion. Considering my apartment building on good old High street erupted in flames just a month ago, I think that is a very legitimate fear. That, or I'm trying to talk myself out of the responsibility before bed.

Even the mundane things in life are amusing, when you think in narrative and obsess over countless illustrations of tomorrow. I think I add color to an otherwise dull and listless day to day existence, out of sheer force of will. Otherwise, I would be just another apathetic monkey working a horrifying tech support job, abusing their gym membership, and generally using up precious natural resources to sustain and mildly useful, and otherwise mediocre, breathing experience.
Then again, anything is better than being the guy that calls his cell phone company and ends up not understanding the explanation of how to resize folder windows on his computer, much less how to drag and drop files to copy them, or right click the file and select copy or send to... While the tech pounds their mute button and explodes in some rather un-politically correct commentary about how your particular state can make anyone stupid, and how you are very much NOT of your projected ethnic origins.
Not.. that I would... EVER.....

(*Disclaimer* I love the company I work for, just not the job that I do.)

I amuse myself by creating scenes that could have led to the aftermath strewn about my kitchen the day after my fratboy roommates come home from houseparties, which distracts me from the cold hard tile floor of the fact that I am 24 and get referred to as the "house mom" while I cook, clean, and scold them for partying while having a respiratory infection. We all know what cheap beer does to your immune system, don't we kids?
Riiiiiight, as I type this, I'm eating F*#@ing Jelly Beans and drinking a beer out of the case that I keep in my closet. Next to a handle of whiskey and a fifth of Jagermeister. And a six pack of a different kind of beer. I have it all completely under control, I assure you. There have been five bottles of wine in my altar chest since I moved in, it really isn't as bad as it sounds, of course.

I will, at some point, write something a wee bit better than a page full of long winded, self deprecating jokes that aren't really that funny. Until then, eat some Red Apple, Plum, or Juicy Pear jelly bellys and hope that I'm not the person on the other line........